Being in front of an audience has been a passion of mine since the first time during a live concert in front of over seven thousand spectators as I sang in a duet with the opening act of the Latin Rock Star, Cristian Castro. Although I was only ten years old at that time, I can still vividly recall that rather than being nervous, I could hardly wait to perform my part. Since that time, I have realized that the stage is an ideal means of communication where I can make people laugh and cry, make people think about different issues, and transmit my emotions and my ideas. I have always loved performing for my family, friends, or anyone who is willing to watch. It never mattered if it was by performing magic, singing, dancing, or acting. Nevertheless, this was an interest that I had to develop on my own. The unfortunate thing is that the entertainment industry in my homeland of El Salvador is practically non-existent. As a developing nation with limited resources, there is an understandable lack of funds allocated to this industry. But perhaps the most frustrating thing for me is that the lack of funds seems to have also effectively exterminated any interest in the arts as well.

Which I changed to

I have loved being in front of an audience since I sang a duet during a live concert in front of seven thousand spectators. I was only ten years old, but I can still recall that rather than being nervous, I could hardly wait to perform my part. Since then, I have realized that the stage is an ideal medium to communicate, where I can make people laugh, cry and think about different issues. I can convey my emotions and my ideas. I enjoy performing for my family, friends, or anyone who is willing to watch. I have performed magic, sung, danced and acted. I had to develop my talent on my own. The entertainment industry in my native El Salvador, a developing nation with limited resources, is practically non-existent. The lack of funds seems to have killed any interest in the arts as well.

I simplified the sentences and cut out some unnecessary details. The essay reads better without them. I rephrased the sentences that contain “the most frustrating thing” and “it never mattered”. “Thing” and “it” in an essay should always have a specific answer to the question, “What is this ‘thing’?” or “What is ‘it’?” If you don’t know, always rewrite the sentence.