The following are the first two paragraphs from an applied physics student’s Statement of Purpose.

I am an M.Tech. student in thePhysics Dept. of (my univ). During the course of my graduate study, I have developed a keen and active interest in the fields of Photonics. I wish to pursue a Ph.D. in the above fields because I think, with my determination and capabilities, I can benefit and contribute to the department’s research activities while studying for a Ph.D. at name of the university.

During the nascent stage of my career, an inherent interest towards physics and mathematics encouraged me to take Electronics and Telecommunication Engineering as my undergraduate study at (Undergraduate univ). During my undergraduate study, the amazing phenomena of light-matter interaction intrigued me. Introduction to the fields of optoelectronic devices, optical fibers gave an impetuous to my inquisitive mind to delve into these fields. My interest in these fields and a desire to involve myself in an active research in the same fields grew stronger during the tenure of my lectureship. To fulfil my desire I opted for Applied Optics for my postgraduate study at (my univ), after being among top 1% successful candidates in (Entrance exam). The world class education along with the interaction with eminent professors helped me to strengthen my knowledge in the fields of Applied Physics.

Which I changed to
I am a student in the physics department of (my univ). During the course of my graduate study, I have developed a keen interest in photonics and wish to pursue a Ph.D.in that field.
I studied electronics and telecommunication engineering as an undergraduate at (Undergraduate univ) where the phenomena of light-matter interaction first caught my attention. My introduction to optoelectronic devices and optical fibers made me want to delve deeper into their study. My ambition to involve myself in active research in the field grew stronger during the tenure of my lectureship. I opted to concentrate on applied optics for my postgraduate study at (my univ), where I scored in the top one percent in (Entrance exam). My studies and the interaction I have had with eminent professors has helped me to thrive in the field of applied physics.

I don’t know what an “M.Tech.” is, so I dropped it. If the student chooses to use the term he shouldn’t abbreviate. I also took out the unnecessary capitalization of different fields of study. Also, photonics is, at least in my brief internet search, considered to be one field (even though there can be different sub-divisions of that field) so I have revised the use of “fields” to describe it. I made the same change from “fields” to “field” in relation to “applied physics”. I also excised some superfluous adjectives and rephrased and simplified the sentences. Usually the direct way is the best way to communicate, especially in a Statement of Purpose. My preference would also be that the last sentence of your first paragraph emphasize the student’s interest in photonics, the study that he wants to pursue. His career in applied physics is relevant but shouldn’t be the last sentence of the introductory paragraph.