The following is the opening paragraph of an essay on diversity which the student felt lacked a clear introduction and “hook”.
Diversity is about learning from others who are not the same, about dignity and respect for all, and about being open to learning about our differences. I know that for myself that I treat everyone [...]

The following are the first two paragraphs of a motivation letter for a Dutch student applying to an exchange program.
Dear Sir / Madam,
Bachelor exchange is about new experiences. Getting to know yourself better, getting to know new people, new environments. I would be honoured to be considered as a part of an experience like this.
Let [...]

Here is the first paragraph of a student’s personal statement.
College was never very high on my priority list growing up in a rural southern mill-town. Being born to a small family where education was rarely a focus, homework went unchecked at night along with dinner being uncooked. I had never been told college was important [...]

Here is an ESL student’s admission essay to a US college
I choose _______for I value the close relationships with my professors. I am the very student who manages to grasp teacher’s message through tacit eye-contacts, who visits teachers’ offices most frequently, and who always attributes much of the excellence in school to close relationships with [...]