The following is the opening paragraph of an essay on diversity which the student felt lacked a clear introduction and “hook”.
Diversity is about learning from others who are not the same, about dignity and respect for all, and about being open to learning about our differences. I know that for myself that I treat everyone [...]

Being in front of an audience has been a passion of mine since the first time during a live concert in front of over seven thousand spectators as I sang in a duet with the opening act of the Latin Rock Star, Cristian Castro. Although I was only ten years old at that time, I [...]

The following are the first two paragraphs of a motivation letter for a Dutch student applying to an exchange program.
Dear Sir / Madam,
Bachelor exchange is about new experiences. Getting to know yourself better, getting to know new people, new environments. I would be honoured to be considered as a part of an experience like this.
Let [...]

Here is the first paragraph of a student’s personal statement.
College was never very high on my priority list growing up in a rural southern mill-town. Being born to a small family where education was rarely a focus, homework went unchecked at night along with dinner being uncooked. I had never been told college was important [...]

Here’s the first part of an ESL student’s motivation letter.
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN,
I am hereby applying for the English-taught bachelor’s programme in ___________, at the University of ___________, for the academic year 2009-2010.
Having lived my whole life in the same country, in the same city is has become my dearest dream to study abroad [...]

Here is an ESL student’s admission essay to a US college
I choose _______for I value the close relationships with my professors. I am the very student who manages to grasp teacher’s message through tacit eye-contacts, who visits teachers’ offices most frequently, and who always attributes much of the excellence in school to close relationships with [...]

Here are the first two paragraphs (which I combined into one) of a motivation letter from an ESL student who wants to study zoology.
What started like a children infatuation became, as I grown up, a passion. A passion for animals and their conservation. I have always known I would have chosen a career involved [...]

The following is a first paragraph from an ESL student’s essay on smoking.
Most smokers get short breath especially when they exercise or when they running to cutch the bas, because their blood cells which carry the oxygen from the lung to the body carry the carbon monoxide. So the amount of the oxygen in [...]

The following is a selection of an ESL student’s entrance essay for college.
Moreover, the University of *** is not the ending of my dream, but a beginning of the new one. I will show my best performance in my academic performance, and enrich the school-life. Above all, I will prepare to catch another dream–work in [...]

Here’s the first paragraph of an ESL student’s essay in which he argues against the development of weapons of mass destruction.
Humanity versus humanity can be hell on earth. Humans have made guns and different kinds of weapons, but the worst thing is that humans have made weapons of mass destruction. Examples of this are the [...]