The following is the opening paragraph of an essay on diversity which the student felt lacked a clear introduction and “hook”.
Diversity is about learning from others who are not the same, about dignity and respect for all, and about being open to learning about our differences. I know that for myself that I treat everyone [...]

The following are the first two paragraphs of a motivation letter for a Dutch student applying to an exchange program.
Dear Sir / Madam,
Bachelor exchange is about new experiences. Getting to know yourself better, getting to know new people, new environments. I would be honoured to be considered as a part of an experience like this.
Let [...]

Here is the first paragraph from an ESL student’s essay on the film The Kite Runner.
Kite Runner movie has been filmed in the 1980 and the story passed in 1988 about wealthy guy from Iran and his son in Afghanistan. Dad always complained about his son because,  when he was in trouble, he has never [...]

The following are the first two paragraphs from an applied physics student’s Statement of Purpose.
I am an M.Tech. student in thePhysics Dept. of (my univ). During the course of my graduate study, I have developed a keen and active interest in the fields of Photonics. I wish to pursue a Ph.D. in the above fields [...]

The following is a first paragraph from an ESL student’s essay on smoking.
Most smokers get short breath especially when they exercise or when they running to cutch the bas, because their blood cells which carry the oxygen from the lung to the body carry the carbon monoxide. So the amount of the oxygen in [...]

The following is a selection of an ESL student’s entrance essay for college.
Moreover, the University of *** is not the ending of my dream, but a beginning of the new one. I will show my best performance in my academic performance, and enrich the school-life. Above all, I will prepare to catch another dream–work in [...]

Here’s the first paragraph of an ESL student’s essay in which he argues against the development of weapons of mass destruction.
Humanity versus humanity can be hell on earth. Humans have made guns and different kinds of weapons, but the worst thing is that humans have made weapons of mass destruction. Examples of this are the [...]

Here’s the first paragraph of an essay about current events from a student.
“All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.” A quote there from George Orwell’s chilling novel Animal Farm expresses exactly the brand of two-facedness that gay marriage is approached with in this day and age. As most alarmingly shown [...]

Here are the first two paragraphs of an essay on education from an ESL student.
In my opinion, education should be free. There are a number of social and economic results for free education in many countries.
First of all, free education that means everyone can access school and library resort even if they are rich or [...]

The following is the first paragraph of an ESL student’s personal essay.
As a youth I was always an outsider among children of my age. Now that I look back I can see there were many reasons for this gulf between other children and me. In any case having no friends is devastating for a child [...]