The following is the opening paragraph of an essay on diversity which the student felt lacked a clear introduction and “hook”.
Diversity is about learning from others who are not the same, about dignity and respect for all, and about being open to learning about our differences. I know that for myself that I treat everyone [...]

Being in front of an audience has been a passion of mine since the first time during a live concert in front of over seven thousand spectators as I sang in a duet with the opening act of the Latin Rock Star, Cristian Castro. Although I was only ten years old at that time, I [...]

The following are the first two paragraphs of a motivation letter for a Dutch student applying to an exchange program.
Dear Sir / Madam,
Bachelor exchange is about new experiences. Getting to know yourself better, getting to know new people, new environments. I would be honoured to be considered as a part of an experience like this.
Let [...]

Here is an ESL student’s admission essay to a US college
I choose _______for I value the close relationships with my professors. I am the very student who manages to grasp teacher’s message through tacit eye-contacts, who visits teachers’ offices most frequently, and who always attributes much of the excellence in school to close relationships with [...]

Here is the first paragraph from an ESL student’s essay on the film The Kite Runner.
Kite Runner movie has been filmed in the 1980 and the story passed in 1988 about wealthy guy from Iran and his son in Afghanistan. Dad always complained about his son because,  when he was in trouble, he has never [...]

The following are the first two paragraphs from an applied physics student’s Statement of Purpose.
I am an M.Tech. student in thePhysics Dept. of (my univ). During the course of my graduate study, I have developed a keen and active interest in the fields of Photonics. I wish to pursue a Ph.D. in the above fields [...]

Here are the first two paragraphs (which I combined into one) of a motivation letter from an ESL student who wants to study zoology.
What started like a children infatuation became, as I grown up, a passion. A passion for animals and their conservation. I have always known I would have chosen a career involved [...]

Here’s the first paragraph from the personal statement of a student who wants to study history and politics.
From a young age I have found History fascinating and exciting - exploring different topics and learning about the past. I would visit museums and thoroughly enjoyed stories told by grandmother about how World War 2 had drastically [...]

The following is a first paragraph from an ESL student’s essay on smoking.
Most smokers get short breath especially when they exercise or when they running to cutch the bas, because their blood cells which carry the oxygen from the lung to the body carry the carbon monoxide. So the amount of the oxygen in [...]

The following is a selection of an ESL student’s entrance essay for college.
Moreover, the University of *** is not the ending of my dream, but a beginning of the new one. I will show my best performance in my academic performance, and enrich the school-life. Above all, I will prepare to catch another dream–work in [...]